Another Cliche
by scullyseviltwin
Summary: He couldn't bear to think that he'd never have her.


He had seen it in her eyes, he was sure he had seen it. That tiny glint that generally resided there had been directed solely at him and for a moment he truly felt as if he were the only man in the world. God, he wished he was the only man in her world.

There were moments, he was sure, that she reserved solely for him; a lone smile, a particularly snarkish snark. It made him feel somewhat at home to know that he had a piece of her that no one else had. When Josh was around her, he didn't feel so alone in the world. In those moments, he was the only man that Donna Moss ever, ever saw. A twelve year old in his father's clothes, he stood lonesome and wanting in a large world that he knew very little of.

There were two things that Josh counted on in life, two things he hailed by. One was his work which if he would allow himself to admit, took up pretty much all of his time and effort. Who was he kidding? He ate, drank, breathed politics. It was passion, it was pastime, it was perfect.

The other piece of his life, the one that was really allowed to unleash in his dreams, when he was alone in his home, was that of fantasy.

He'd imagine himself in a home, not just an apartment, but a place he could really call home and mean it. She'd be there with him, asking him to please put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher or pick his towels up off of the floor. In that space, in his head, he'd allow himself to smile back at her, toothy and stupid, his adoration really shining through his eyes. God he adored her, really and truly. He respected her, trusted her, saw her as a strong individual but he adored her like none other.

Emotions like he never felt filtered through his head when he though of her, of her smile, of her warmth. He longed for it; he needed it surely to survive.

She was adorable, sweet, beautiful, lovely and in that moment he wished he had a thesaurus in order to do her justice.

More, she deserved more. She deserved more and more and more and oh how he wanted to be the one to give it, give **everything** to her.

How he longed to kiss her, to thank her, to worship her. It was the least that he could do to pay back all the gratitude and camaraderie and friendship and perhaps even the love that she had given him over the years. His ego wished to make itself known when he thought that she must love him. There were so many reasons, his ego reasoned, but the one thing that Josh knew to be true was that the shimmery effervescent blue of her eyes when she laughed at one of his jokes was reserved for him and him alone.

They were no longer together and though he wished desperately to ask her to join the Santos campaign, he could not for so very many reasons. Donna was her own person, more so now that when she had been with him. He was still damned proud that a woman with no college education, no real political background and made it so far. Some major power players on the Hill hadn't come as far as she had come. Perseverance... she had it like none other. She was brilliant.

He needed to thank her, to tell her just how much she meant to him, how he so longed to have her, to touch her, to just love her because he was sure he was the only one who could do it properly. Smart, tell her how smart she was, how witty.

She had changed so much and yet he had remained the same, altered only through her influence, so gentle and sure.

He had seen it in her eyes... maybe she had seen it in his? Was it too good to hope for?

Could he make it through another campaign? Would she move away? Would he ever really be with her again?

Uncertainty quelled in his stomach, nearly making him vomit. For the first time in his life he felt indecision like a slap in the face. Unsure if he could face rejection he didn't know if he could make the first move.

But the first move had to be made in order for the second move to commence.

Then again, he couldn't bear to think he wasn't enough, that he would break her heart, that he couldn't give her everything. He wanted to, wanted, wanted, wanted... But what could he give?

There were so very many things that Joshua Lyman would never have, but he couldn't bear to think that he would never have her.


End file.
